I have never been really good at telling the truth from a lie. The only time I am able to usually do this is when my students lie to me. They have this way of looking at the floor, biting their lips, stammering over their words which pretty much clues me into the fact that they are embellishing the truth just a bit.
This is especially true when I think about the thoughts that flow through my mind day after day, moment after moment. There are seasons where these thoughts are the truth. I hear the voice of the one who created me telling me that He delights in me, He sees past my shortcomings to the woman that He created me to be. I hear that I am loved, that I am good enough, that I have purpose and that He has a good and perfect plan for me! I rest in the truth that His timing is the best timing and that even in the waiting he has not lost sight of me.
However, in other seasons, I can’t even hear the faintest whisper of this truth. The lies that flood my mind are so loud and clear that I find myself believing them all. Lies about who I am, my body, my life, my friends, my future. You name it, the lies just get louder and louder til they completely drown out that still small voice I am longing to hear. I feel like no matter what I do, I will never be able to breathe in the truth. I will never be able to hear those things that I know bring me life.
I can remember times when I knew nothing but truth. Times where I was able to just be me. To dance in the freedom that I knew in Christ. I was able to take the lies that I heard and replace them with truth, with life-giving words. Those were times I felt alive, I felt like Brooke, like I mattered.
But somewhere in the corners of my mind, I find myself doubting what I hear and in creep the lies. And then I feel like I can’t get out of it. And friends, right now, I find myself in one of those places where the lies have crept in and I am having a hard time hearing truth. Normally, I would never write about this on a blog (much less a friend’s blog), I would not share my heart. But I feel like as women (sorry if any of you readers are guys), we all find ourselves in those places at one time or another. We strive to be everything for everyone, only to hear we are not enough. We desperately try to live healthier, only to be reminded that we don’t measure up. We long to be loved, only to have those parts of us that we don’t love thrown in our faces. We give little pieces of our hearts away, only to get them back torn and bruised.
But the good news is, there is one who does say we are enough, we do measure up, and that we are loved. He speaks truth about us and longs for us to believe it. So while in this season, even though I am having a hard time finding that truth, I have HOPE that He still whispers through the lies, He still gives breath where it feels we are suffocating.
And for this… I must keep breathing…
Brooke Simpson lives in Hickory, NC where she is a teacher. She is an Asheville, NC native who shares a love for concerts, Caramel Apple Sugar Babies, Mean Girls quotes, Starbucks, cute style, a crafty thumb, and spending plenty of time with her friends and family. I met Brooke several years ago as a camper at Truett Baptist Camp in Hayesville, NC. At a young age, I knew that I wanted to grow up to be like Brooke and the many other wonderful female counselors who made such a positive impact on my childhood years. She shares her love for life over at her blog Everyday Blessings.